Ask Me A Question!

This page is my version of a Dear Abby Column. But to be honest, Abby has nothing on me. As I always say... If you want some truly useful advice, ask a pooch.... namely me. Just use the form at the bottom of this page.

Dear Guinness, I am a German Shepard and I sound so angry and mean when I bark which makes me proud! But I feel sad to. Also when I bark I make people want to run away! I don`t want to do that though. What can I do?
Dear Simma, I know it can be difficult to hold back the bark inside; Mom is constantly reminding me the house is a "No-Barking Zone". So, just remember that a cold, wet nose on someone's pant leg can be equally satisfying and can sometimes score you a treat or at least a pat on the head. Save the big bark inside for the real the trash man or the ice cream truck! High Paw!

From:Tiffany, Jaun & Billy
Hi, I'm a puppy going to school. I don't like it, do you have any advice?
Dear Tiffany, Juan & Billy, Thanks for writing! School is dog-tough, but it's all about focus! I mean, rolling over, sitting,'s all a dog can do to keep sane...except for the TREATS! Think about those barkalicious-yummy-tummy-treats! ARF!! Hmmm... I believe I need to go "practice" some of my tricks in front of mommy so I can snag a treat right now! Good luck and PAWS UP, my fur-friend!

Hi-- I am 10, and we are getting a tri-colored pembroke welsh corgi pup. My dad's first response to naming the dog was Whiskey, Scotch, Brandy (probably the normal dad stuff) But then, he said the name Guinness! I really liked that name better than the other ones he blurted out! Anyway, How is your temperment? Are you a rambunctious little corgi, or more laid back? Maybe we can Email you sometime. Thanks!!! Hannah
Dear Hannah, Thanks for writing! I can be laid back at times, but mostly I love to play and if mommy and daddy are too busy, I'll find ways to get their attention; like running in to the room and sliding on my side until I stop, then I curl around and strike a perfect pose on my back with a big grin on my face - I KNOW they can't resist! And Rosie is a total Diva Dog! All in all, mommy and daddy call us their "home entertainment centers", whatever that is. Good luck with your cool tri-color Corgi! You're going to have a BLAST!

From:Billy, Albert and Felicia
Dear Guinness and The Roo, We are cats but big fans! We were wondering if you and Rosie have any advice on how to deal with those noisy flashing lights in the sky that always show up around this time of year. We run and hide but want to know how you deal with them. We are sure you have great wisdom!
Dear Billy, Albert and Felicia, You must be some really cool cats! Oh, we know about those blasting loud flashes of light in the sky. When they try to scare us, I rise up and my cape unfurls as I bark away all those boom booms. They try to come back, but I am relentless in my pursuit and eventually I invoke enough fear that they go away for a long, long time. Obviously, they are no match for my Super Puppy Powers! High Paw to you and yours!

From:Forrest (the corgi)
Dear Guinness and Rosie, You're making me look bad here. Please destroy that box of tissues on the end table. My mommy watches you guys and tells me what a good boy and girl you are and that you don't take everything in your house as your own. What's that on the back of the couch?
Dear Forrest, Oh, sure, destroying a box of tissues is great fun...but, not like shredding paper towel tubes into slimy bits all over the carpet. And who can resist paper napkins that have been infused with yummy flavors from daddy's kibble time! Don't get me wrong; I've pawed and chewed my way through dog beds and Rosie has gnawed through more than a few towels. As for those strange little speaker boxes on the back of the couch...they stay quiet all day until daddy gets home...!

From:AJ (The Chihuahua)
Dear Guinness, Dear Guinness and cute little Rosie: I am so lucky - my Mom works with your Mom so I get to hear all the good stuff daily that you guys do! Plus, she comes home every day and tells me how much fun it is for her to watch you on your Cam. Maybe I will get my Mom one for her birthday this year. Shhh! Don't let the secret out. Today I asked my Mom to take you and Rosie some of her delicious oatmeal cookies that she makes for me. They are made with all the good stuff - I hope you like them. By the way, your Mom has the recipe, so maybe she can bake them for you too! I just had to let you know how excited I was when I heard the news that you were published in "The New Barker" - and what a great picture! You are now my FFF (Famous Furry Friends!), I am telling all my neighbors about it! How exciting! Enjoy the cookies!
Dear AJ, My mommy told me you're cute and sassy and that you dance on your hind legs for treats. BTW - thanks for the yummy oatmeal cookies; the Roo and I scarfed those down pronto (totally worth a dog dance)!!! The live webcam is pretty cool once you get used to the idea that all these people are staring at you while you sleep! And, when I was a puppy and chewed up my bed - someone actually signed my guestbook and told on me! (So not cool!)

The NEW BARKER magazine totally ROCKS!! (We are on the last page of the January 2008 issue). High Paw to you AJ and thanks for writing!

Dear Guinness, Hi Guinness! It's.. well, it's Guinness! I am a 2 year old brindle boxer from Connecticut. I was using my Dad's computer and decided to search for my name and I found you! Cool name isn't it? My daddy says he named me Guinness because I look like one oh his favorite drinks. He let me taste it once and it sure was tasty! Well, I guess my question for you is, how did you get your name? Sorry if it's been asked, but cut me some slack, I'm just a dog! Gotta go to the park! WOOOOF!
Dear Guinness, Wow!! Another Guinness the Dog?? Did you know when friends share the same name, it's called "tocaya" in Spanish? My adopted parents said with a name like Guinness, they expected me to break all kinds of Super Puppy records, but I did hear someone say that I am "black and tan and extra stout"...whatever that means!

From:Suzi (Corgi Mother)
Dear Guinness, Do you ever feel the need to remove items from endtables or coffee tables and make them your own? Also, do you ever take things that are nose level (like things off the Christmas tree)?
Dear Suzi, Since mommy and daddy like to peruse my Dear Guinness column, I am convinced that the answer to all these questions is a resounding, "no way!". Now, those ridiculous looking things they put on their feet are a different story altogether! When I happen on one of these oddities they call 'shoes', I cannot resist shoving my snout inside, taking a deep whiff, then cruising through the house nudging the shoe along and sniffing...until something else looks more appealing.

Dear Guinness, You totally rock! I love dogs and you're the cutest. How can I get lucky enough that a dog will adopt me?
Dear Donna, Thanks for writing! You haven't been adopted by a dog, yet? All it took was 5 minutes of playtime with my soon-to-be adopted parents, and I knew they were the ones! I immediately displayed my irresistable charm and...SNAP...parents adopted! So, next time you're playing with a puppy and the cuteness factor is sky high and you get smacked right on the face with a bunch of kisses...look very closely...that puppy might be trying to tell you something!

From:Laura G
Dear Guinness, What are you and The Roo doing for New Year's Eve?
Dear Laura, New Year's Eve is a busy time for me. The Roo usually snoozes curled up next to daddy enjoying tummy rubs and cuddles...not a care in the world. That's because she knows I am vigilantly defending our home all night from loud booms and bright flashes in the sky. A low growl usually does the trick, but then they come back. Once I've made them all afraid and they go away for good, I plop down next to Mommy to sleep; knowing all is safe and as it should be.

Dear Guinness, In your experience, do you feel the female corgi is the more bossy and domineering? I would like to have a male buddy, but I don't want him stealing my attention, treats, or pestering me at mealtime.
Dear Madison, If you read my DOG BLOG, you'll see that my little sister, Rosie likes to take charge whenever possible. She's always one paw away from dominating the attention and treats department, too. Of course, one puppy-smackdown by me is usually all it takes to bring out her sharing side. All in all, though it's great to have a buddy to play with!

From:Grusha (Moscow, Russia)
Dear Guinness, Very pleasant site at you. With greetings from Moscow in Russia, your Galaxy's Best Part. Come on a visit on my site!
Dear Grusha, You are a lovely Corgi by all standards and I only wish I weren't linguistically challenged when it comes to Russian. Mommy says the winters there are cold... good thing you have that famous double coat!

Dear Guinness, Like you, I am a pembroke corgi and I HATE vacuum clearners. I did my best to shed all over the house so it would plug up my parents vacuum so they couldn't use it anymore. But then, they went ahead and bought an even fancier one. Do you have any new suggestions for me to try? Thanks.
Dear Bandit, I admire your tactic to super-shed even if the idea backfired. Our vacuum slept on the wall in my room and I was stuck in there alone with the scary creature when my adopted parents were gone to work. The horror! What would happen if it suddenly woke up and came after me!? Out of self defense, I demonstrated my superpowers and scared vacuum so bad; it never did wake up until mommy came home. Good luck!

From:Joanna Ferrin
Dear Guinness, Hi im 10 and my Corgi is 1 and she is nuts so were afraid that xena my cogi will run away how do you teach a corgi how to obey your comand too come back?
Dear Joanna, Three words, Joanna: really yummy treats. Even Corgis with selective hearing respond to treats. Just be careful because the neighbor's dogs will, too!

From:Max (from Ireland)
Dear Guinness, My name is Max and I live in ireland. My question is how my pints can you drink on a good night out?
Dear Max, This is a good question. I have to share my water bowl with my little sister, Rosie. This messes up the whole math counting of pints thing...

From:Tootsie (tri-colored pem)
Dear Guinness, I think your webcam is the coolest and I love your little sis. My question is that why do I bark constantly when I play fetch with my brother. I noticed that you and Rosie don't do this.
Dear Tootsie, Thanks for checking out my webcam and you can have my little sis. Just kidding. She's alright, except when she takes my stuff. Actually, Rosie likes to bark when we're playing Frisbee. Maybe it's a girl thing.

From:Aloe the Vicious (Aloysius)
Dear Guinness, I am a Cardigan Welsh Corgi with handsome grey and black spots. Upon my triumphant arrival in my new home, a motorist stopped his car and said, "LOOK! It's the cutest puppy in the whole world!!" Since then, I've gained legions of fans throughout the town. EVERYBODY wants to meet ME! I love being an important source of cuteness in people's lives, and I LOVE the acclaim and adoration that comes with it. But sometimes it's like being hounded by the paparazzi! Can't they let a guy sleep?
So, how do you handle YOUR legions of fans? More importantly, will the fairy tale end once I'm not an adorable puppy anymore? Or will my striking good looks keep my adoring public coming back for more when I'm big like you? NYARF!
My Dearest Aloysius, Cardis are the coolest! Mummy showed me your pictures and WOW! Rosie and I identify with your concerns - especially with being a young celebrity and all. Rest assured (and Corgis worldwide can attest to this), we only get cuter and learn even more beguiling ways as we get older. So, take heart and hold your ears high - we are the chompions, my friend.

From:Fitz (the Cairn)
Dear Guinness, Hi Guinness - Mum and I are great fans of your webcam and love to watch you and Rosie. When are you going to be on cam again, please? We miss you! Love and lots of pigs ears for you and Rosie - Fitz
Dear Fitz and Mum, Our Corgi-Cam is in a temporary black out. We hope to be back up soon. Thanks for your warm pig ear wishes and please stay tuned! Mega pepperoni treats to you both!

Dear Guinness, yo waddup dog what do u rate mcdonald big macs outa 10 dude. say 10 please?
Dear Paul, Oh yeah, I once had a friend named, Big Max - and he was cool. A total 10 in my dog book, for sure. Who's McDonald?

From:Scamp the Jack Russell - UK
Dear Guinness, We have lots of rain here in the uk, how do you cope with the hot weather? I hate it myself and much prefer the thick winter snow.
Dear Scamp, We get lots of rain here, too. But the hot, humid summers are wicked. At the dog park, I've found the only relief is to hydro-load and sneak a good rest in the shade in between racing with my buds. I don't know what snow is; I'm a bacon bone dog, myself. Power to the paws, Scamp!

From:Jess (V cute Labrador Cross) - UK
Dear Guinness, WHERE ARE YOU!!! My mum has logged on for the past three nights so that I can get a look at you and you are not connected!!! I can't survive for much longer!!! Please come back. Love and adoring licks, Jessica-Boo xxxxxxx
Dear Jess, Thank you for would not believe what has been happening in my life this week! If you check out my DogBlog, you'll see that I now have a little sister named, Rosie. She's a crazy little girl that has turned my world upside down. We'll BOTH be on the webcam, stay tuned!

Dear Guinness, When is your birthday and how old are you??
Dear Kellie, I am proud to say that I celebrated my first birthday in style on March 4th. My adopted parents invited my cousin, Tango to join me in frolic and play, and then we at this yummy treat called, Frosty Paws. It was cold, but we slurped it up and then chased each other all over the house. Wooo-hooo! I think birthdays are cool!

From:Angel (Rosie's Mom)
Dear Guinness, Love the picture of you and Rosie...of course with your people parents too. Looks like you all are going to a very happy family. Just to let you know Rosie looks just like me....I am also on the small side but mighty spunky! Enjoy your first day together. Love and puppy kisses to you all
Dear Angel, Thank you for writing again. Little Rosie is even cuter than the pictures that my adopted parents showed me. She does have lots of spunk...WOW! I've shared my squeak toys and we've been playing chase, too. Of course, I had to sniff her first to make sure she was cool and all (somtimes in life, you gotta stop and smell the Rosie!). But now we're buds and for some reason, mommy and daddy are laughing at us all the time...? But be assured, I will always protect her with my super puppy powers.

From:Angel (Rosie's Mom)
Dear Guinness, I just want to say hello and remind you that I will be checking on you and Rosie. You pups had better be good to your human parents. Please show Rosie all the ropes and have a fun time together. She is very special to me. Hugs and kisses to you and Rosie.
Dear Angel, I like your name - are you a Guardian Dog-Angel, like me? My adopted parents have told me that I would someday have a little sister and now we know her name is Rosie. She must be a very special little girl. Please be assured that I will share with little Rosie my puppy wisdom and all the cool places to hide squeek toys and half empty Kongs. I have big plans to chase, play and run all over the place with Rosie, then we'll nap out and dream of yummy treats. We'll stay in touch...High Paw to you and all your siblings!

Dear Guinness, Are you scared of the hurricane?
Dear FraidyCat, Hurricanes are scary. But I must use my puppy superpowers to put on a brave front and go out and do my best to bark the hurricane away. Super heroes are brave. Of course, every time we have a hurricane, my good pal Frisco (with his parents) comes over and wants to play all day! I don't understand it.

Dear Guinness, You look like you were really trying to get that doorstop. I wonder though, did it attack you or just threaten your space before you decided it needed to be taught a lesson on who the "real" boss of the house is. Another of your Tampa.
Dear Bill, I am always on the prowl for intruders. I politely pawed doorstop and it made this noise like an alien and I knew at that moment that I had to remove this danger from our home. Iím still working on doorstop, but Iím sure heíll be gone soon.

From:Twinkle Toes
Dear Guinness, My parents just put some new "wood laminate flooring" (as they call it) in our kitchen and entryway area. Me and my little brother (Cinnamon the cat) have been a little unnnerved by this change. First of all, the floor makes this annoying clickity clack sound whenever I walk on it, and second, how is any dog supposed to retrieve balls on that floor? It's really slippery and I'm already a bit of a clutz. I was hoping you might have some advice for me because I think you've got the same situation in your house-otherwise they might start calling me wipeout! Thanks for the help.
Dear Twinkle Toes, My home has very little carpet, however I had to adjust my puppy brakes to avoid skidding in to the dishwasher and the front door when chasing Frisbees, tennis balls, squeak toys, etc. You do not want to "wipe-out", it's not fun and everybody laughs at you. The other bad thing is that you can't sneak around because your toenails give you away. Of course, this does not apply to Cinnamon. Good luck!

From:Lauren A. Domen (Your secret admirer)
Dear Guinness, Just so you know I am in love with you. I want a dog or puppy just like you. But my question is... Will you come live with me?
Dear Secret Admirer, I appreciate your generous offer, however being endowed with puppy superpowers is a serious responsibility. My puppy pledge is to protect the world from the trash cans, mops, water jugs, i scream trucks, etc. that are evil and want to kill us all! I am always on call, and therefore I must deny myself and defend the world. I hope you understand this is the best for both of us.

Dear Guinness, I'm a rather beautiful 11 month old basset hound named Matilda Mae Bleu, but you can call me Mattie for short. My parents and I just signed your guestbook because we really enjoyed your video and pictures! See, my parents are trying to find me a new permanent playmate and when we came across your website, I let them know (with my famous "basset howl") that someone like you, who's also vertically challenged, might make a great addition to our family. What are your thoughts on this? I'd love a response and I promise I'll be "all ears" when I hear back from you. Thanks, sweetie. Love, Mattie
Dear Mattie, Mattie, you sound like a pretty cool pup! Being vertically challenged is something we do have in common, along with especially big ears - all important assets in my book! I think you would find having a Pembroke Welsh Corgi pal to play with would be great fun for you and completely entertaining to your adopted parents. (Mine are planning to get me a Corgi playmate some time later this year, too.) Good luck!

From:Still Waiting
Dear Guinness, My new mom found your website while searching for dog names. They have taken so song to give me a name, already! I've been living with them for 4 weeks and basically just humor them and respond to whatever they happen to call me. My question to you is this: how have you liked having the name Guinness? That is what these people have been calling me lately...they are having a tough time deciding between Winston and Guinness. I am a cream and black pug puppy (at least that is what I looked like last time I barked at myself in the mirror!). How's the name been for you? I am hoping that they choose soon! Thanks!
Dear Still, I like the name Guinness, especially when it's used with the words "good boy" and "do you want a treat?", which is very cool. My daddy loves pugs,(of course, who doesn't!). Just remember attitude and cuteness are yours - use them as you will. Good luck with helping your adopted parents choose a name!

From:James Wishart
Dear Guinness, Do you get to go out in the sun on the webcam?
Dear James, I get to go out and play in the sun all the time. I also get to play with other puppies, dogs and little kids. But the webcam stays inside. Someone has to keep on eye on things when I'm not around, you know.

Dear Guinness, We can see that your humans love you very much & are trying so hard to take good care of you. But Guiness, we wonder how you will manage your long hours of loneliness and boredom off into the future. Are your humans planning a larger area for you, more socializing, in the the future? We hope so! You are such a nice puppy!
Dear Margo, Thank you for your concern. Mommy and Daddy have been working on expanding my studio apartment to a full on bachelor's pad! I've even heard them discussing a live-in girlfriend for me later in the year. Wow! The fur will really fly then! Stay tuned...I know I am!

From:Debbie Ebeyer
Dear Guinness, Well Guinness I was wondering if you've ever thought of going into modeling? You are so much cuter than the other Corgi's I've seen. I was looking on eBay & saw a picture of a Corgi on a purse. I must say you are soooo much cuter especially with your one ear that doesn't pop up. I think you could go far in the doggie modeling profession. ;)
Dear Debbie, I hate to disappoint you, but I don't have my droopy ear anymore. Modeling sounds like fun...just as long as it involves lots of puppy treats and NO cameras. Cameras are evil aliens that make little noises and have flashy lights and want to kill us all.

From:New Zealand Poodle
Dear Guinness, I hate this wet climate. Can I live with you?
Dear New Zealand Poodle, Don't you like to jump in the puddles and track mud in the house? That's one of my favorites! It would be fun to have a playmate - mommy and daddy have been telling me that they are getting me a girlfriend later this year. So much for my bachelor pad!

From:Australian Farm Dog
Dear Guinness, I have been watching you for a few days and wonder when you are able to go out and play?
Dear Australian Farm Dog, Your days are my nights, so when I'm out playing you are probably snoozing. I get to play every day and chase rabbits and frogs and twice a week I go to puppy playtime at PetSmart. BTW - I have a cousin in Hornsby Heights, Australia! Two paws up!

Dear Guinness, Where are you located? Everytime I see you on the webcam, you're sleeping!
Dear Chris, I'm in Florida, USA. Many people mistake my doga (dog yoga) poses for sleeping. However, I am a puppy, so I like to sleep alot. It's the best way to supercharge my puppy power packs so I can romp and play for hours after mommy and daddy come home.

From:David Paul
Dear Guinness, hey guinness i think you are the coolest dog in the world i would like to meet you because i think that would be really neat because i wold like to see you in person but i know you are busy with your fans and your publicity and your videos but when you find time i would like to see you my address is 1600 sw 15 lincoln ne 68522 and if you want you can e-mail me back. well got 2 go. your friend david paul
Dear David Paul, When I start my world tour, I'll make Lincoln, Nebraska my first stop - I hope they have extra big puppy treats there? Until then, keep checking in and thanks for writing!

From:Vicky from England
Dear Guinness, Do you have a problem with fleas?
Dear Vicky from England, No fleas. But if you can tell me how to get rid of that bling-bling mommy calls a dogtag, please let me know.

From:Honey & Rascal
Dear Guinness, For a dog, Guinness, you're A-okay. We are cats, and although we don't have our own webcam like you, our person just bought us a new TV! SHE calls it an aquarium. Anyway, we have been trying and trying to figure out how to get in there, but we just can't find a way. How about you, Guinness, any experience with those things called aquariums???
Dear Honey & Rascal, Aquariums are fun, but why would you want to get in? Just bark really loud, and the fishes try to get away and bump in to the glass! Now that's TV worth watching!

From:The Brother
Dear Guinness, Ok...whats the real answer to the question ???? Who let the dogs out...Who...Who...Who !
Dear The Brother, I would have to guess it was mommy and daddy. They always let me out! So they probably let those dogs out, too.

From:Tia Bell Glazer
Dear Guinness, I noticed you sleep in a special room. I was wondering since I get to sleep with my adoptive parents, what is it like to sleep alone all the time. I watch you 2 times a day and would like to play with you one day. Can we have a play date?
Dear Tia, Daddy calls my special room the "batcave". Mommy calls it my "bachelor pad". On weekends, I get to take naps with mommy and daddy, but I like to have my own place to stretch out and dream about chasing rabbits and yummy treats. Besides, mommy snores. I like to play, so hopefully we'll get to meet up sometime!

Dear Guinness, You ROCK!!! I'm your # 1 Fan!!! Will you marry me? Love, Ambee
Dear Ambee, Thank you for your letter. Mommy told me I am too young to give my paw in marriage. I donít even know what that is, but I hope itís a grown up word for doggie treat!

From:Florence Castles
Dear Guinness, Are you one of the Queen's? You don't look like any of her Corgi's, so you must be an imposter!! Or do you come from the other side of the street?
Dear Florence, Well, I don't like to brag, but I've been knighted Sir Guinness by the Queen to the "Order of the Fluff". I am pledged to maintain the utmost level of Corgi fluff wherever I am at all times. And as a matter of fact, I do live across the street from my Pemby buddy named Butkus! He's way cool.

From:Cody The Cat
Dear Guinness, Ok, so I'm probably the 1st cat to write you. But hey, my family thinks I'm a dog. I love company, I jump into everyone's lap, I chase balls & even return them, & I lick faces as fast as they can come into range. (For some reason people seem not to like it as much as when the dog does it.) Any tips for being more dog-like?
Dear Cody, My friend, you are a dog trapped in a cat's body. I recommend you start eating the dog's food, wagging your tail and barking at the TV and vacuum cleaner. That should get you the doggie treats you deserve! Paws up!

From:Canadian Canine Penpal
Dear Guinness, Your website is amazing! I was totally entertained especially watching your video's. I honestly barked and could relate while viewing each video! My Mom and Grandma were hysterically amused. By the way, I'm a native Montrealer and was wondering if you will ever experience the joy of frolicking in the snow during the winter months?
Dear Canadian Canine, I don't know what snow is, but if it's on the ground and smells interesting, I'll probably frolick in it no matter what month it is!

From:Rev Brian
Dear Guinness, Is that a litter box? I have shown your page at work and everybody has asked that. If so, how did your Mommy and Daddy teach you to use that?
Dear Rev, I believe you are referring to my deluxe, but not quite private privy (Purina Secondnature for dogs). Daddy and I spent a weekend of bonding (and lots of puppy treats) and discussed the finer points of using a litter box for dogs as opposed to other flooring options at night or when they aren't home. Thanks for tuning in!

Dear Guinness, Why do your ears twitch when you sleep?
Dear Bob, My ears are high tech supersensory radar receptors. While I'm dreaming of chasing ducks and chewing on my bacon bone, my ears are in a constant state of re-calibration, searching out the sound of daddy opening the jar with treats or mommy dropping some yummy on the floor. So you can see, alert ears are quite important!

From:Spanky Truman Rutledge
Dear Guinness, Were you adopted? I think we might be brothers. Our expressions and color markings are remarkably similar. My mom says I was born near Independence, MO (that's why my middle name is "Truman"). Now I live in TX and travel with my Dad. I love it. You look very happy, too. Take Care. -Spanky, The Road General
Dear Spanky, Make no mistake, I adopted my parents as soon as I made eye contact with them. They know they are adopted and are so happy they give me new toys and treats all the time! We could be related - I'm from the midwest, too! Email your picture to me at: Me@GuinnessTheDog.Com and I'll put you on my website! Isn't it fun to travel and feel the wind in your ears and make noseprints on windows? As the Road General, I salute you with 2 dog bones and an ARF!

Dear Guinness, I live in California. We have a bunch of people that come to our house to kill us... like the garbage man, the mailman, the fedex guy, and a bunch of unidentified monsters. Mommy says I am also on guard against Vac Uum and Squr Riel. I alert my parents of the danger and bark and growl to make these killers go away. Works everytime. Do you have the have the same problem where you live?
Dear Jilly, We have the same monsters here in Florida plus the Pete-za delivery man and a really scary I Scream truck, too! It's a dangerous world, so it's a good thing we are here to protect our mommy and daddy from it all!

Dear Guinness, I'm concerned about Global Warming. How would you propose to combat this issue?
Dear Sal, I'm too young to enlist in the military, so I'm limited to combat with my squeek toys, daddy's shoes, mops, and water jugs. However, it seems logical that if you gave it a doggie treat and a blanket to chew on, Global Warming would be happy again. That always works for me!

Dear Guinness, Do you believe that there is any truth to the rumors that this world is going to end soon? And if so, what are you doing in your own life for spiritual preparation?
Dear Concerned, What do you mean 'the world is going to end soon'? Who started that rumor? I'm just getting started! ARF! Another doggie treat please!

From:High There
Dear Guinness, You seem very fit and trim on your video. Are you in training? If so, do you practice your high jump over the gate in the webcam?
Dear There, I find that doga (i.e. dog yoga - lay on your back, stretch out as far as your paws can reach, then relax your breathing and hold that position for at least 30 minutes and dream of dog treats) and puppy aerobics like pouncing on squeek toys when they least expect it and racing through the house burns off all those kibble calories. I do practice my high jumps, but only for treats and toys and NEVER over the gate...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

From:Repu B Lican
Dear Guinness, Based on the up coming elections, I feel that the Kerry has no real stance on any of the issues and that his entire campaign is nothing more than Bush bashing. Do you think his tactics will succeed or is America smarter than that?
Dear Repu, Kerry is far more fun to bark at and chew one really takes him serious because he changes his mind more often than I change sleeping positions. Actually, President Bush has promised a "biscuit in every bowl" for all canines. He gets my vote, paws down!

Dear Guinness, Do you need to wash your towels if you only use them after you get out of the shower- that is when you are the cleanest?
Dear Bud, Isn't it the grandest to have your daddy fluff you dry with a fresh towel after the trauma of bath time? And mommy has a special towel just to dry my feet when I've been romping in the wet grass. However, I must confess, my short legs won't let me reach the top of the washing machine. I think mommy washes the towels when I'm not looking. Personally, I would prefer to chew up every towel I find, especially the fluffy ones!

Dear Guinness, I've been working on a alternative fuel source based on harnessing the hidden energy in rocks. My problem is making it lite enough to be practical. Any suggestions?
Dear Symor, Aren't we all looking for better ways to supercharge our puppy power packs? I understand your fascination with rocks. I love them! They are fun to grab from mom's rock garden when she's not looking and running through the house trying hard to crunch through to their gooey energy centers. But mom usually ruins my fun by taking it away! So you see, weight ratio is not the problem, it's stealth technology that's really at issue here. Good luck!

From:Corg Washington
Dear Guinness, I'm very impressed with your communication skills. Is there any advice you can give me so that I may better articulate myself?

Dear Guinness, My grades have been suffering as of late and you seem like a pretty smart "pooch", so how can I make better grades without getting bogged down with so much paperwork?
Dear Desperate, First off... ARF! Secondly, as an authority on dealing with paperwork, I can tell you that if you just get down to business and take a purposeful aim, and you can't miss... well... maybe sometimes but not too often.

From:Superdog Wannabe
Dear Guinness, You say you have "super powers". Is this true? Like, can you fly and all? And if so, can you teach me how?
Dear Wannabe, Yes it's true... I have super powers. And you should see me fly when my Mom and Dad try to give me a bath. I also find bath time a good opportunity to practice my Houdini-like escape skills. Can I teach you? Yes! But can you afford the lessons?

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